Be A Cool Thermostat

"A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention." Proverbs 15:18

This verse describes a relational thermostat. In most homes, that is the wife/mother. Which are you? Are you hot-tempered, stirring up strife in your home, or are you slow to anger, quieting things?

We need to be slow to anger. Our husbands and family need for us to be the quieting influence in the home. I have noticed more and more lately that if I get angry, the children are either uncomfortable, or they join in on picking at whoever I'm upset with. God has been making me more and more aware of the "temperature" I set in our home, and it hasn't been a pleasant experience. Too often I am reactionary, instead of being deliberate in my home. Being reactionary means that I tend to be loud and stir up strife. God is really starting to drive it home to me that I am not quiet enough. Ezra, who just turned 3 months does not handle noise very well ~ unfortunate for him in our household! Although the children's noise bothers him, he really does not deal well with me raising my voice. If he is crying and fussing, I have to take a moment, a deep breath, and as I pick him up, talk to him in a quiet, gentle voice. I feel like God is forcing the issue with me!

He desires for His daughters to be a calming influence. "But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit." 1 Peter 3:4 (emphasis mine). This does not mean that we have to speak in a quiet monotone without expression, but rather that we should be deliberate in how we communicate. We need to purpose ahead of time how we are going to respond to our beloved, or our children. Instead of storming through my day, I'm going to decide ahead of time to be the quiet center, the calm in the midst of the storm.

Some of us have a more temperate personality, so it's much easier to have a handle on it, while others are more mercurial in temperment. The only way we can truely live in a deliberate, calming way is to be rooted in the Scriptures and to spend time in prayer. It is only through the enabling of the Holy Spirit that we can live as godly wives.

Pray For Your Beloved ~ Turning His Heart Toward His Children

"And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the land with a decree of utter destruction." Malachi 4:6

God's desire is for a father's heart to be turned toward his children. I wondered what that meant exactly, and as I looked through the Scriptures, I found that fathers are told to instruct (Deut. 6:5; Eph. 6:4), give testimony to the workings of God (Ps. 78:1-8), and to discipline their children (Pr. 13:24, 29:17; Eph. 6:4). While they are doing this, they are to avoid provoking their children and causing discouragement (Eph. 6:4; Col. 3:21).

I don't know about you, but to me, that sounds like a full-time job! Some fathers are in the blessed position of owning their own business and being able to allow their children to work alongside of them. Many more work for others and don't have that freedom. Making it more difficult to do what God requires of them. Often we Moms will step in and take care of these things. While we obviously have a role in the training of our children, we need to be careful that we don't usurp our husband's responsibilities. We need to be in prayer that our husband's heart will be turned toward his children. We need to pray that God would inspire him in how best to fulfill his role when he is home. And then we need to step out of the way and let him.

Perhaps your children are grown. You can still pray for his heart to be turned toward his children. Adult children are still in need of love and support from their parents! If you have grandchildren, Grandpa can be a tremendous blessing in their lives. I am so thankful for the relationship that my children have with their "Pak" (Grandpa to the rest the world. ;-) ). He has so much that he is able to teach them, from hunting and trapping to public relations. I value the time they are able to spend with him.

Even if Dad or Grandpa are not believers they still have important things to impart. While being an unbeliever would make it difficult, if not impossible for him to fulfill some of the responsibilities mentioned, he is still responsible for instructing and disciplining.

One last reminder: don't nag, but pray! Let the Holy Spirit do His work in your beloved's life.

Some verses for meditating on as you pray for your beloved this week:
"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise." Deuteronomy 6:5-7

"Give ear, O my people, to my teaching; incline your ears to the words of my mouth! I will open my mouth in a parable; I will utter dark sayings from of old, things that we have heard and known, that our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, but to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders that he has done. He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments; and that they should not be like their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation, a generation whose heart was not steadfast, whose spirit was not faithful to God." Psalm 78:1-8

"Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." Proverbs 13:24

"Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart." Proverbs 29:17

"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." Ephesians 6:4

"Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged." Colossians 3:21

Recipe Share Friday ~ Peanut Butter Oatmeal Cookies

Since yesterday was our anniversary, I thought I would share a recipe that my Beloved developed. He's a pretty good cook, and enjoys baking cookies, he even considers himself something of an oatmeal cookie expert. So, here is his oatmeal cookie recipe ~ Enjoy!

Peanut Butter Oatmeal Cookies

1/2 C shortening
1/2 C butter
1 1/4 C peanut butter
1 C sugar
1 C brown sugar
2 eggs
1C flour
2 C oatmeal
salt
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1 1/2 tsp. vanilla

Cream together shortening and butter. Add sugars, vanilla, peanut butter and eggs, blending well. Mix in dry ingredients. Drop in small balls on ungreased cookie sheet. Bake at 375* for 7-9 minutes.

From This Day Forward ~ 19 Years Ago

Today my Beloved and I have been married for 19 years. I have been married for half of my life. I remember being terrified before the wedding. I had never been a big "finisher" in my life, and I was almost overwhelmed with the thought of making a lifetime commitment. We had both come from homes of divorce, and I knew that that was *not* what I wanted.

Now, 19 years later, I can't imagine my life without this precious man walking by my side. Most days I can't believe that he loves me, and longs to be with me ~ though admittedly there are days when I wonder that I haven't killed him yet! ;-) We are human after all. LOL

God has used our marriage to stretch me, and grow me, and sanctify me. He has abundantly blessed our marriage with children, with mutual love and respect, and with a deep friendship. I enjoy spending time with my Beloved more than anyone else. God has grown him and changed him so much ~ brought him so far from who he was ~ and I stand in awe of my Creator God that loves us so much.

We have walked along the easy path, and we have hiked narrower, more precipitous paths; full of joys and the deepest of sorrows. Through it all, we have walked together, giving the grace to walk at a different pace, in a different way. And God has drawn us closer ~ to Himself and to each other.

Thank You, Lord; for blessing my life with Mike. I never could have chosen so well for myself.

Song of Solomon Devotion #5

"As an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the youngmen. With great delight I sat in his shadow and his fruit was sweet to mytaste, he brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. Sustain me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am sick with love. Hisleft hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me!" Song of Solomon 2:3-6

Do I praise my lover? Not to others, but to him? Do I let him know how attractive I find him? Do I tell him what pleases me when we’re making love? Now, you may be thinking, “What?! Talk during S-E-X?” or “Talk about ‘it’?” But, how is your lover to know what you find most pleasurable if you won’t tell him? Your husband should be your closest, most intimate friend, and so, you should be able to talk to him about things that are most intimate. God created the sexual relationship to be a wonderful, enjoyable experience between a husband and wife. It is the physical aspect of the ‘one flesh’ mandate in Genesis 2:24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fastto his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Often, for a variety of reasons, a wife cheats herself of much of the enjoyment in lovemaking. We feel inhibited, because of sexual messages from our society, or our body image, or because of what we ‘think’ God says about sex, or because of past sexual sin. Now though, you are in a marriage relationship, the very place God designed sex for and the very place He intends for you to enjoy yourself. Once again, this is a place where we must renew our thinking. For some it will be a fairly easy process, for others it might take a long time. I have spent about eight years on the journey of renewing my mind about sex. It has not been an easy road. There have been times when it seemed for every step toward God’s ideal, there were two or three steps back. But, my desire has been to become a more godly wife and lover to my husband. As I have communicated this to him and been open about my struggles, he has been able to be supportive, and when necessary, patient with my progress.

As you make love to your husband, and discover what is pleasurable to you, and to him, you also need to praise his skill as a lover. God created men in such away that, for most of them, their feelings of being an adequate man and husband are closely tied to their prowess as a lover. So, lavish praise on him! If you are willing to be open with your husband about lovemaking, and you are willing to praise him as you make love, he will become a better lover. Remember too, that part of your enjoyment should be to make sure that he is getting as much pleasure as he can out of your lovemaking. There are times when I’m particularly tired, or I don’t feel good, or whatever, that lovemaking isn’t #1 on my list of things to do. But, when I get to bed, my Beloved is feeling amorous. At those times it is enough for me to know that I have filled a need for him, while giving him pleasure ~ joyfully. Remember ~ in the bedroom, attitude counts! Your husband knows whether or not your heart’s in it.

Finally, are you lovesick? When we look to the Hebrew, we see that the idea is of being weak and incurable. Do you have a case of incurable love that leaves you weak? If the answer is ‘no’, then why? Don’t look at your husband. Look to yourself. If you are not lovesick, it is because of choices you have made, not because of things your husband has or has not done. Choose today to let go of hurts you may be carrying around. Forgive ~ as often as you need to, and act in a loving way.

Practice the things we’ve already discussed. Think about your husband as your lover throughout the day, praise qualities you know others find admirable, tend to your ‘vineyard’ and in so doing, honor your husband. Listen to him and believe him when he compliments you, and compliment him in return. Create a romantic sanctuary in your bedroom ~ and take advantage of it! Most importantly, pray, pray, pray! Ask God to renew your mind. Ask Him to enable you to fully enjoy lovemaking. Ask Him to let you see your beloved through the eyes of the Father and to love him with the Father’s love. These are prayers God will answer, because they are within His will.

PRAYER
Father God,I am amazed by the beautiful gift of sex. Father, I do want to truly be ‘oneflesh’ with my husband. I pray Father, that You would renew my mind so that I can fully enjoy making love to my husband. Enable me to be open with him. I ask Father, that You would help me to be lovesick for the man You have given me. Amen

Pray for Your Beloved ~ Addendum

After posting this morning, I got to thinking about those of you who may have a husband that is so good at giving his time elsewhere, you never see him! You, his wife and family may be the ones in need. I just wanted to encourage you that it's okay for you to pray that he would see the need at home, and be generous with his time there. I do believe that our families are to be our highest priority after God, and that our family should be our first mission field.

Don't hesitate to make your needs known to your beloved, but don't nag! Mention to him the needs of your family, but then take them to the Lord, and let Him take care of the rest.

Pray For Your Beloved ~ Generosity, Part 2

I wanted to add some thoughts on generosity. Yesterday was more from a monetary perspective, and I think that when we think of generosity, money is often where our thoughts automatically go. However, we can be generous with more than just our money. We can be generous with other resources ~ fire wood, hay for animals, food out of our pantry, clothing, the list goes on. Another thing we can be generous with is our time. Either helping someone with projects they may have, meeting needs, or just spending time visiting. We can even be generous with our children ~ sending them in our stead to minister to folks in need.

As I mentioned yesterday, I think that it can be easy for wives to be stingy. Especially if we place family time/activities as a high priority. I can be extremely protective of the time we have with my Beloved. There have been times when he worked long hours, or when he's working two jobs, and when he's not working, I want him with us! Certainly there are many times when we can minister as a family, but there are also times when it is not possible, and our husband may need to go by himself, or just take a son or two. We need to give them the freedom to do that. While we certainly don't want to give up all our family time, or drop family as a priority, we need to be flexible and allow for time to minister - be generous as well. Sometimes, that may mean a whole day away ~ perhaps cutting wood for a family in need, or helping to rebuild a shed that's burned in a fire, or any number of things.

I think of the Apostles, who freely shared the two most valuable things they had ~ their time and the gospel. Do we encourage our husbands toward that kind of generosity? Do we encourage them to go and help? To take food to a hungry family? To spend time with the elderly gentleman who has no family near by?

Pray for your beloved to be generous, in all things, to all men.