Be a Hedge-Builder

"And behold, the woman meets him, dressed as a prostitute, wily of heart. She is loud and wayward; her feet do not stay at home; now in the street, now in the market, and at every corner she lies in wait. She seizes him and kisses him, and with bold face she says to him, "I had to offer sacrifices, and today I have paid my vows, so now I have come out to meet you, to seek you eagerly, and I have found you. I have spread my couch with coverings, colored linens from Egyptian linen; I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. Come, let us take our fill of love till morning; let us delight ourselves with love. For my husband is not at home, he has gone on a long journey; he took a bag of money with him; at full moon he will come home." With much seductive speech she persuades him; with her smooth talk she compels him." Proverbs 7:10-21

As I read this portion of Scripture this morning, I was struck by the lengths to which the adulteress goes to to seduce the man. And God spoke to my heart and said, "There is nothing new under the sun." The adulteress is still lying in wait. Most men who are working outside of their homes are confronted continually (intentionally or otherwise) by "seductive" women. Women who are hungry for the attention of men. Perhaps they flirt, maybe they innocently seek advice (and in so doing, show honor and/or respect), or they may be dressed in such a way that can potentially cause a man to stumble.

And then the question came to me, "Am I willing to go to the same kind of lengths to keep my man happy at home? Am I willing to be a 'hedge' of protection for him?" I don't mean acting or dressing like a prostitute, but as I read these verses, I see things that the adulteress is doing that I could/should be implementing within my own home.

"She seizes him and kisses him..." I need to be physical with my Beloved. Hugs and kisses when he gets home from work. Rubbing his shoulders after a hard day's work, or just sitting next to him and laying my head on his shoulder. As he 're-enters' the home after being gone all day, am I helping him reconnect to me in a physical way?

"...now I have come out to meet you, to seek you eagerly, and I have found you..." This ties in with the above. Does my Beloved know that I eagerly await him? Do I stop whatever I am doing when he arrives home and greet him at the door ~ or maybe even greet him before he gets to the door? If he finds me in the laundry room, folding clothes, instead of at the door, do I convey joy at seeing him? Do I show an interest in how his day has gone or do I start in with how my day has gone? Piling more upon him instead of helping to lighten his load of cares.

"I have spread my couch with coverings, colored linens from Egyptian linen..." What does my bedroom look like? Is it the depository for every "orphaned" article in the house? Are there piles of laundry (dirty or clean) lying about? Is it neat and tidy? Is the bed made, or is it a pile of rumpled covers? Are the bed linens in good condition or are they thread bare? I need to do what I can to make my bedroom a sanctuary ~ a romantic hideaway. This doesn't mean that I spend lots of money, but good quality (or at least, good condition), sheets, blankets, etc. can be found inexpensively anywhere from ebay to thrift stores to yard sales. It means that I am going to make the effort to keep our room peaceful. That may mean that I have pegboard on the walls to organize his tools, or it may mean that I have lush fabrics and lots of candles, to anything in-between. Neat, tidy, peaceful ~ these things will be more conducive to intimacy and will let my Beloved know that he is a priority to me.

"I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon..." Do I engage all the senses? Scent can affect us in different ways. It can make us queasy, it can make us hungry, it can repel us, it can draw us in, it can make us feel romantic. Am I seeking out scents for my bedroom that will encourage intimacy? Room sprays, candles, potpourri ~ perhaps even a late evening dessert of tea and a delicious treat that not only tastes good, but smells heavenly as well. Vanilla and cinnamon have long been considered aphrodisiacs, so maybe some cinnamon rolls are in order?

"Come, let us take our fill of love till morning; let us delight ourselves with love." Am I willing to spend long periods of time making love to my Beloved? All night? In the morning? Do I delight in his love? Does he *know* I delight in his love? Or does he think that it's a chore for me; one more thing to check of my "to-do" list? I struggle so often with this. As a homeschooling Mama of 8, 2 of which are nurslings (who don't sleep through the night!), and not as young as I used to be, I often find myself tired, and just wanting to sleep when I get to bed. It is difficult to keep a good attitude and delight in my Beloved. God has really been speaking to me about this lately. I need to get back into the Word, and see what God says about marriage and intimacy. I need to pray more about my attitude; I need to ask for His enabling when it comes to my marriage relationship. My Beloved needs to know not only that I love, honor and respect him, but that I desire him. He needs to know that I am doing more than just meeting his needs, but that I am delighting in our lovemaking. I need to be a hedge-builder because I love him so deeply.

Father God,
I pray that You would enable me to love my Beloved as You intend. I ask that You will help me to have more than a good attitude, that I would not just be meeting the physical needs of my Beloved, but that I would long for times of intimacy with him. Make me the wife he needs me to be. Let me be a deep well, from which he is continually refreshed. Infuse our marriage with love, respect, and passion, I pray.

I ask this in the Precious Name of Jesus, amen.

Song of Solomon Devotion #5

"As an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the youngmen. With great delight I sat in his shadow and his fruit was sweet to mytaste, he brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. Sustain me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am sick with love. Hisleft hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me!" Song of Solomon 2:3-6

Do I praise my lover? Not to others, but to him? Do I let him know how attractive I find him? Do I tell him what pleases me when we’re making love? Now, you may be thinking, “What?! Talk during S-E-X?” or “Talk about ‘it’?” But, how is your lover to know what you find most pleasurable if you won’t tell him? Your husband should be your closest, most intimate friend, and so, you should be able to talk to him about things that are most intimate. God created the sexual relationship to be a wonderful, enjoyable experience between a husband and wife. It is the physical aspect of the ‘one flesh’ mandate in Genesis 2:24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fastto his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Often, for a variety of reasons, a wife cheats herself of much of the enjoyment in lovemaking. We feel inhibited, because of sexual messages from our society, or our body image, or because of what we ‘think’ God says about sex, or because of past sexual sin. Now though, you are in a marriage relationship, the very place God designed sex for and the very place He intends for you to enjoy yourself. Once again, this is a place where we must renew our thinking. For some it will be a fairly easy process, for others it might take a long time. I have spent about eight years on the journey of renewing my mind about sex. It has not been an easy road. There have been times when it seemed for every step toward God’s ideal, there were two or three steps back. But, my desire has been to become a more godly wife and lover to my husband. As I have communicated this to him and been open about my struggles, he has been able to be supportive, and when necessary, patient with my progress.

As you make love to your husband, and discover what is pleasurable to you, and to him, you also need to praise his skill as a lover. God created men in such away that, for most of them, their feelings of being an adequate man and husband are closely tied to their prowess as a lover. So, lavish praise on him! If you are willing to be open with your husband about lovemaking, and you are willing to praise him as you make love, he will become a better lover. Remember too, that part of your enjoyment should be to make sure that he is getting as much pleasure as he can out of your lovemaking. There are times when I’m particularly tired, or I don’t feel good, or whatever, that lovemaking isn’t #1 on my list of things to do. But, when I get to bed, my Beloved is feeling amorous. At those times it is enough for me to know that I have filled a need for him, while giving him pleasure ~ joyfully. Remember ~ in the bedroom, attitude counts! Your husband knows whether or not your heart’s in it.

Finally, are you lovesick? When we look to the Hebrew, we see that the idea is of being weak and incurable. Do you have a case of incurable love that leaves you weak? If the answer is ‘no’, then why? Don’t look at your husband. Look to yourself. If you are not lovesick, it is because of choices you have made, not because of things your husband has or has not done. Choose today to let go of hurts you may be carrying around. Forgive ~ as often as you need to, and act in a loving way.

Practice the things we’ve already discussed. Think about your husband as your lover throughout the day, praise qualities you know others find admirable, tend to your ‘vineyard’ and in so doing, honor your husband. Listen to him and believe him when he compliments you, and compliment him in return. Create a romantic sanctuary in your bedroom ~ and take advantage of it! Most importantly, pray, pray, pray! Ask God to renew your mind. Ask Him to enable you to fully enjoy lovemaking. Ask Him to let you see your beloved through the eyes of the Father and to love him with the Father’s love. These are prayers God will answer, because they are within His will.

PRAYER
Father God,I am amazed by the beautiful gift of sex. Father, I do want to truly be ‘oneflesh’ with my husband. I pray Father, that You would renew my mind so that I can fully enjoy making love to my husband. Enable me to be open with him. I ask Father, that You would help me to be lovesick for the man You have given me. Amen

Being a Joyful, Intoxicating Wife

"Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always with her love."
Proverbs 5:19

Although written to a man, I thought the above verse to be instructive to us as wives as well.

"Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth..." I am the wife of my Beloved's youth, am I a wife he can rejoice in? According to Webster's 1828 Dictionary, rejoice is "to experience joy and gladness in a high degree, to be exhilarated with lively and pleasurable sensations; to exult." Sounds like something that should be happening in a marriage relationship, doesn't it? ;-) Shamefully, I know there are times that my Beloved doesn't rejoice in me. My behavior toward him or in general creates anything but joy and gladness. However, it is my goal to be the wife that he can rejoice in. I desire for our home to be full of joy and gladness.

"a lovely deer, a graceful doe..." When I think of a deer, I think of slender, quiet grace. Now, obviously, we're not all slender! Some of us are quieter than others, some more graceful. But, think of the overall impression. I *can* be gentle, quiet and graceful; it just might take some effort. My desire is that when people think of me, they aren't thinking of me per se. But they have such an impression of me that they think of my Beloved, and that he is blessed. It is another way of honoring him. I want my attitudes and actions to be complimentary to my Beloved, but more importantly, I want them to reflect my Heavenly Father.

"let her breasts fill you at all times with delight..." 'Nuff said? LOL At our house, this is more instructive to me than my Beloved. *I* need to remember that my body is for his pleasure. For me, as a woman who is often pregnant and/or nursing, it is so easy to be in Mama-mode. Which means that I get "touched out" during the day, and that I view parts of my body in a more, shall we say, utilitarian way than my Beloved does. I need to remind myself often that I am not *just* a Mama, I am a lover as well. I need to allow myself the freedom to let my breasts fill my Beloved with delight.

"be intoxicated always in her love." Do I love my Beloved in such a way that it's intoxicating to him? It seems that recently I have heard and seen a lot about the effects of certain sinful behaviors. Pornography and other sexual sins in particular create a "need" for more. I am *not* suggesting ungodliness in our marriages. However, am I doing my best to satisy him and love him in such a way that he desires more? Am I intoxicating to him? We can't always be in an "emotional high" in our marriages. That just isn't reality. But do I make an effort toward those times? Do I look for opportunities to show him how much I love and admire him? Do I make time to spend with him, to show interest in the things that interest him? Is our love relationship one that even when we're not in a "high" time, we do still "hunger" for each other? It goes back to being best friends.

Father God,
I lift up the woman reading this now. I pray Father, that You would encourage and inspire her toward being the wife You would have her be. I ask that where ever she's at in her marriage today, that You would draw her and her beloved closer to You, and in so doing, draw them closer to each other. I pray that her beloved would, truely rejoice in her and be intoxicated by her love. I ask this in the precious name of Jesus, Amen.

A Romantic Hideaway

I have already shared about making our bedroom a retreat. You can view my post on that here.
When I posted that devotion, I intended on getting some pictures of our bedroom up so that you could see what I was talking about. Well, several months later, I am finally getting around to it! These are pictures taken while we were waiting for labor to begin with Ezra, so there are a few things that are not typical to our bedroom in the pictures.



Here is our bed. While this doesn't show the whole thing, you can get an idea of what it's like. I have a double layered bed skirt on it ~ which does not match the quilt. However, it goes well with the coloring in our bedroom, and it was a bargain! The netting you see is a canopy of mosquito netting that hangs from hooks in the ceiling ~ our ceiling is a bit low for a true 4 poster or canopy bed. Around the top of the canopy, I have the small Christmas tree lights. They are amber colored ~ we found the clear ones were too bright. To the majority of the lights I have added roses and or leaves (the light is the center of the rose or leaf set), so it appears that our bed is garlanded by flowers. The bed is set cross-wise in the corner, and behind the headboard, I have a fairly rough pedestal that Mike made (which I have covered with a floral fabric), and that is what the candelabra is sitting on. I have multiple pillows on the bed, and in the winter there is also a brown plaid blanket that lays across the foot of the bed.

This is the corner opposite the bed. Normally next to the rocking chair there is a small black kidney shaped table. On the other side of the little table sits another chair. This gives us an intimate little spot for a quiet cup of tea and conversation. The little shelves you see are a recent addition and are holding layette items. My plan is to paint the shelves black (my "shabby chic" color), and use them in some other way when Ezra's clothing is too large for the little baskets. On the wall, you can see just the lower part of one of our pictures, and then next to that is a 5 arm candelabra ~ for a little added romance!

You can see that I use fairly bold colors in our bedroom, and I do try to accent with plaids because they are more masculine. I decorate our room with things that are meaningful to us. The rocking chair was my great-grandmother's, there are portraits of our children on the walls and dresser tops. I have heard different people recommend not having pictures of your children in your bedroom; after all, it's supposed to be a retreat! However, part of who we are is our children's parents. God has blessed us tremendously with our children ~ why would we want to keep our bedroom devoid of reminders of them? You will also find in our bedroom ~ for the majority of our 19 years of marriage, a bassinet or cradle or a crib. This does not diminish the romance or retreat "feeling" of our room. Rather, for us, it is a reminder of how abundantly blessed we are; and for me, it brings feelings of joy and contentment to see them.

I hope you enjoy the pictures, and perhaps gain some inspiration if you're struggling with infusing your room with romance.

Song of Solomon Devotion #4

Behold, you are beautiful, my beloved, truly delightful. Our couch is green;the beams of our house are cedar; our rafters are pine.Song of Solomon 1:16-17



Here, the Shulamite describes the bridal chamber. This is a room that Solomon has lovingly prepared for his bride. It was the one place where the cares of running a kingdom would be left behind. Your bedroom should be a similar sanctuary for your husband and for you. It should be a place where, as a couple, you can relax and enjoy each other.



What does your bedroom look like? It is neat and clean? Is the bed made? Are there piles of clean, but unfolded laundry lying about? Or piles of dirty laundry? Is your bedroom the repository for everything that doesn’t have a proper place? Making your bedroom a refuge does not mean that you need to spend a fortune. It does mean that you make sure that it is a place you can relax. That may be as simple as keeping the bed made, the floor swept or vacuumed, and the dresser top kept neat. It may mean that you need to paint and wallpaper and find coordinating bedding and curtains. This should be a process that you involve your husband in (as much as he wants), because he needs to be able to relax in your room too.



For example, when we moved into our home, I wanted to make sure my husband was comfortable in our bedroom, as it had been full of florals before. As I talked to him, I came to realize that he was happy with whatever I wanted to do. Even if meant lots of roses. I do tend to decorate with lots of roses and florals, but since I live with a man, I also incorporate strong, dark colors and plaids to complement the flowers. I have also liberally used my husband’s favorite color in our bedroom. I bought a mosquito net canopy that gives our bed the appearance of a four-poster. It was not expensive and yet, the impact it makes is huge. It adds a lot of romance to the look of our room, and creates a feeling of coziness without being too ‘heavy’ for the room. Candles are another element that can help your room to feel like a retreat. Ifyour husband doesn’t like scented candles, there are unscented ones available. Candles add romance and everyone looks better by candle light, which can help you to be more relaxed with your lover.



This is the ultimate goal in making our bedroom a haven. We need to have a place where we can relax and fully enjoy each other. “Eat, friends, drink, andbe drunk with love!” Song of Solomon 5:1b



PRAYER

Father God, I thank You for being a creative and loving God. I ask Father, that You would enable me to be creative as I clean out our bedroom. I pray Father, that my husband and I would be able to agree about what is restful and haven-like. Father, I pray that as I strive to make our room more of a haven, that You would enable me to relax with my husband and be more open and free with him as a lover. Amen.

A Devotion from the Song of Solomon #2

SHE- I am very dark, but lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, like the tents ofKedar, like the curtains of Solomon. Do not gaze at me because I am dark,because the sun has looked upon me. My mother’s sons were angry with me; theymade me keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept. Tell me,you whom my soul loves, where you pasture your flock, where you make it lie downat noon; for why should I be like one who veils herself beside the flocks ofyour companions? Song of Solomon 1:5-7

It is so easy for us, as women, to look in the mirror and see a myriad of faults. There are the stretch marks, the lumps, the bumps. Parts of us that are wider than we would like, or parts that sag more than they used to. Maybe our skin doesn’t look as young and vibrant as it used to, perhaps our hair is a terrible mess ~ and is that gray?!? We see all our faults and physical shortcomings and we don’t want our husband to look upon us. We are sure that he must see every fault we do.

But, when our husband looks at us, he is not just seeing a physical form, he is seeing the total woman; the woman that he loves. My husband and I recently went away for a couple of nights ~ a very rare treat. One of the evenings while we were snuggling, I said to him, “Do you mind my ‘mommy body’?” He looked me straight in the eyes and said emphatically, “Honey, I gave you your ‘mommy body’!” When he looks at my body and sees the stretch marks across my belly and my breasts that aren’t so perky, and my hips that have widened over the years, he thinks of his children that I have carried and nursed. He does not long for the girl he married, he is satisfied with the woman she has become.This does not mean that we can go about our days neglecting to pay attention to ourselves. Because I have many responsibilities as wife and mother, ‘the keeper of the vineyards’, I may tend to neglect my personal care, “my own vineyard Ihave not kept!” (v. 6). So then, what are some ways that we can ‘keep our own vineyard’?

Most important is basic hygiene. Am I clean? Have my teeth been brushed? Then, is my hair done? Depending on hair length and texture, this is more than just running a comb or brush through your hair. This could mean pulling the topknot back and fastening it with a barrette or pony holder, or braiding your hair, or perhaps doing some sort of ‘up-do’. The key is that it is neat looking and out of your way as you go about your day.

Next, how am I dressed? Am I dressed in a feminine, modest manner? Do I look neat and attractive or do I look frumpy? I have come to realize over the years that the way I am dressed and whether or not my hair is done has an impact on how I am feeling. It also affects how my husband sees me.

Finally, and at times not nearly as important, do I have makeup on? This is not something I usually worry about on a daily basis, but during my pregnancy with our seventh child, I felt it was important to have a little makeup on if I was going out of the house at all. Toward the end of that pregnancy, even if I knew that my day would be spent at home, I put on makeup. It helped me to feel and look refreshed, improving how my whole day would go.

Ultimately, when we tend to our own ‘vineyard’, we are showing respect to our husband, which we are commanded to do in Ephesians 5:33b: “and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Of course, we shouldn’t forget to put a smile on. Not a fake, plastic smile, but a smile radiating from the joy that is ours in Christ Jesus.

PRAYER
Father God,
I thank You for giving me a man who thinks I’m the most beautiful woman in the world. I pray Father, that You would enable me to see myself through his eyes and that we would experience deeper intimacy. Make me mindful, Father, of keeping my own vineyard. Open my eyes to areas that I am neglecting and help me see where I can make improvements.

Amen

Moondance Monday

"Well, it's a marvelous night for a Moondance,
With the stars up above in your eyes
A fantabulous night to make romance..."
Van Morrison, 1970 Caledonia Soul Music

Initiate, dear sisters! Are you a wife who initiates love making with her husband, or is it always up to him to initiate intimacy? Surprise him tonight, and get things started. There are many and various ways to go about it. You know your husband, and so, you should know what would get his "motor runnin'", so to speak.

Some ideas might be:
*Put on some sexy stockings under your everyday dress/skirt and give him a glimpse now and then throughout the evening.
*Whisper sweet somethings into his ear, giving him a preview of things to come.
*Give him a neck and shoulder rub, hinting that it's "just the beginning".
*Slip him a love note as he walks in the door.
*Get into bed before him, and be waiting...with an inviting smile on.
*When he walks in from work, ask him if he has a few minutes. Tell him you have something you need to talk over with him in private ~ then have a quick session of lovemaking.
*Set up a "code" word or phrase that will signal to him that he has something to look forward to at bedtime. Men enjoy knowing that they are definitely going to be making love *tonight* (or this morning, this afternoon, or whenever), and if they can talk about it in an un-obvious way, it's even better.

Enjoy!

Predictable = Boring?

Well, it's Saturday, and that means...
Or maybe it's Thursday and...perhaps Monday is the day...
Although some may think it's boring, we have found having a "regular" night for love making to be fun! ;-) All day on that particular day, looks are exchanged, questions asked, "Is it Saturday?" , and anticipation builds.

Predictability can be exciting! Of course, I'm not encouraging you to keep to one day a week, because variety is the "spice of life" as well. If you're looking to shake things up a bit, if you want to put the sparkle back into your beloved's eye ~ try being predictable!

Valentine's Day is NOT just for beginners!

To get you ready for Valentine's Day. :-)

"My beloved is radiant and ruddy, distinguished among ten thousand. His head is the finest gold; his locks are wavy, black as a raven. His eyes are like doves beside streams of water, bathed in milk, sitting beside a full pool. His cheeks are like beds of spices, mounds of sweet smelling herbs. His lips are lilies, dripping liquid myrrh. His arms are rods of gold, set with jewels. His body is polished ivory, bedecked with sapphires. His legs are alabaster columns, set on bases of gold. His appearance is like Lebanon, choice as the cedars. His mouth is most sweet, and he is altogether desirable. This is my beloved and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem." Song of Solomon 6:10-16 ESV

Do you see your beloved in this way? Can you rattle off a list of things you find desirable about him? I want to encourage you to read through the Song of Solomon. As you read what the bride has to say, picture YOUR husband. Remember what it was like when you were first together. The rush and excitement of being together. How you longed for his company and his touch. How the sound of his voice was music to your ears. Oftentimes the longer we are married, and the more responsibilities we have, the more complacent we become in our love relationship. Sometimes it becomes almost rote. We don't put a lot of thought or enthusiasm into it. As we approach Valentine's Day, THINK about it!

Read through the Song, and allow yourself to see not just this young, royal couple, but you and your beloved. God includes this book within THE Book for a reason. While there are those that would say it is just an analogy for Christ and the Church, I would encourage you to read it as it is written ~ as a passionate love story. Use your imagination. It's okay. They were married and you are too. ;-) God created intimacy, and He desires for His children to enjoy it within the context of marriage. You may even want to read it together before you go to bed. We have found this to be very inspirational, and moving.

Create an entire evening of romance. We have a house full of children, so I will fix a *romantic* dinner of lasagna, homemade french bread, green salad, and sparkling juice for the whole family to enjoy. We will spend the evening enjoying each other's company ~ possibly watching an educational program or playing games together. After the children are put to bed, we will retire to our room and have tea and dessert *just for two*, and let things take their natural course.

Let your beloved know that you're thinking about him. Stick a valentine or love note into his suit or lunch box or someplace where he's sure to find it during his work day. If it 's appropriate, call him at some point during the day, just to tell him that you love and miss him and are anxiously awaiting his return. Put clean sheets on the bed, and make sure your room is tidied up. If he likes you with a little makeup, then put some on before he gets home, and do your hair in a special way. Think about him throughout the day ~ not as *Daddy*, or *Mr. Fix-it*, or *Mr. Bill-pay* ~ but as *LOVER*. And anticipate him coming home! Meet him at the door with a smile and a kiss and *welcome* him back to his family.

Have a blessed, enjoyable, romantic Valentine's Day!

Enjoying My Man

When my Beloved got home from work today, we spent time together. The children got to say hello and interact with him some, but then we went up to our bedroom. We talked, we kissed, we played (all very innocent ~ we had the baby with us!), and we just spent some time reconnecting after having spent the day apart.

I have been trying to make more of an effort to do this when he gets home. I want him to be chomping at the bit, so to speak, by the time he gets off work. I want him to be very anxious to get home. To find not only a haven here, but a place of enjoyment and passion. I want him to feel blessed to be married to me ~ not because I'm something so special, but because I love him so much, and desire to meet his needs and enjoy him.

Sometimes, after we retire for the evening, we read the Song of Solomon together. What a wonderful book, full of romance and passion! I am so thankful that our Heavenly Father created intimacy to be enjoyed thoroughly by a husband and his wife.

Song of Solomon, Devotion 1

God sets before us a wonderful example of a godly wife and lover in the Song of Solomon. Within the 8 chapters of this book, we see a woman who looks with expectancy toward being with her husband. She delights in him and their lovemaking, and she is an imaginative lover. When they have problems, she examines her attitudes and actions and makes necessary adjustments.
The Song of Songs, which is Solomon’s.
SHE- Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine, your anointing oils are fragrant; your name is oil poured out; therefore virgins love you. Draw me after you; let us run. The king has brought me into his chambers.
OTHERS- We will exult and rejoice in you, we will extol your love more than wine;
SHE- rightly do they love you.
Song of Solomon 1:1-4 (ESV)
The Shulamite begins by thinking about her beloved. How pleasant she finds his kisses and how delightful his love is. She thinks about what makes him attractive to others and her own anticipation of being with him.
Do I think about my husband as my lover during the day? Or, are my thoughts about him bound up in, “he needs to know this…this needs to be fixed…we have to make a decision about…” Perhaps my day is so filled with schooling children, changing diapers, wiping noses, disciplining, cleaning, cooking, etc. that I don’t really even think of him at all, until I hear his truck in the drive. And, even then, perhaps my thoughts run mostly to relief, because now he can shoulder some of my burdens.
But, what if I spend time during the day, while folding laundry or washing dishes, thinking about my lover? How tenderly he kisses me, how lovingly he caresses my body. Then how would I greet him when he comes home?
As the Shulamite thinks about her beloved, she recognizes that others find him desirable and confirms that they are right to do so. Do I see qualities in my husband which others find attractive and admirable? Do I confirm those to him on a regular basis? Do I tear my beloved down, or build him up? “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” I Thessalonians 5:11(ESV)
And finally, the Shulamite verbally expresses her desire to her lover. “Take me away with you ~ let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers.” (v. 4a NIV) She doesn’t keep quiet with the hope that he will pick up on her mood. She states what she wants, not leaving him with any doubts!
Does my husband ever get a sense of urgency from me to take me to our ‘chamber’ and make love to me? Do I expect him to be tuned into my moods or to understand vague hints, or do I come right out and tell him how much I desire him? “Take me to your chamber ~ hurry!”
For some of us, the thought of being openly verbal with our husband is intimidating and too sensual. We don’t see how being a godly wife and speaking of intimacies or being a passionate lover can go hand in hand. But, God shows us that they do. He graciously gives us the example of the Shulamite, a sensuous, godly woman. “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2 (ESV)
It begins with seeing what God, the author of sexual love, has to say about it and then asking Him to renew our thinking. Then, as God begins to renew our mind, it is our responsibility to bring our actions into line with that new thinking. It pleases God as we strive to live within His will for our lives, and as we renew this area of our life, we will find more freedom and enjoyment in the marriage bed.