Sunday, January 4, 2009

Embrace Who You Are

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Secluded in our bedroom, I moved from making the bed to straightening the top of the dresser. My hand fell upon pictures of babies, and my eye rested upon a portrait of the older boys taken with a beloved pet. Remembering back over the years to when the boys were little brought a smile to my face.

Then I began to reflect upon the advice I've heard time and again from varying marriage and romance "experts".
  • "Do not have pictures of your children in the master bedroom." (It's supposed to be a romantic place!)
  • "When on a 'date' with your spouse, do not discuss the children."

Years ago, when we first began to hear this advice, we tried to follow it. After all, we were hearing it from so many different people, even Christian 'experts', and we wanted to have a great marriage. Their reasoning seemed sound ~ after all, you don't want to get to an empty nest and find out all you had in common was the children.

However, we have found this advice to be impossible to follow. When we are alone, although we talk about a variety of things, our conversation naturally turns to the children: their schooling, jobs they are working, sports, any issues we may be dealing with or problems they might be having. We are, after all, their parents. An integral part of who we are as a couple is the family that God has blessed us with. It is good and right that our conversation should often be centered around them.

It is wonderful and even romantic that we have pictures of our blessings in our bedroom. You may now be thinking that I've stepped over some line of sanity referring to pictures of our children as 'romantic'. But I tell you, not only am I sane, I'm serious! Those pictures (as well as the baby sleeping in our room) are reminders of God's purpose for our union. God desires godly offspring. "Did He not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth." Malachi 2:15

My Beloved and I are quiverfull. That means that we acknowledge that Scripture says that God is the one who opens and closes the womb. We acknowledge that Scripture says children are a blessing from the hand of God. And we joyfully accept the blessings that God gives us ~ in His timing. We don't have to be inhibited in our lovemaking because I "might" get pregnant. It is a joy to us if I get pregnant! We can be free and romantic whenever, because we know that God is in control of our "family planning". Pictures of our children do *not* inhibit romance in any way.

If you have no children, then embrace that. Do your utmost to be content and embrace your role as a helpmeet to your beloved. If you do have children, embrace that. Don't inhibit conversation because what you want to talk about is your children. Don't make your room devoid of their pictures, because some "expert" has said it should be. God has blessed you with those children! By all means, do what you can to have other common interests with your beloved ~ your children *should not* be the only thing you have in common; but don't set them aside either.


Amber said...

Thanks again Tracy. I look forward to each and every post! I so look up to you as a wife and mama. Thanks again,

Joyce said...

HI Tracy,
Enjoying your blog and I always enjoy your input on the PW's.

mother of the bride said...

This is such a poignant post for me. Our children are all young adults now. Our daughter is married 6 months today. Everyone was home from Christmas and we had a wonderful time together.
I have photos of my children everywhere. I rejoice in them being a part of our lives.
The neatest thing was that when it was time for them to return to their homes, they were not eager to go. They wanted more family time! That warmed my heart through and through.

Leslie said...

Extremely encouraging post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!