Tuesday, December 12, 2006

"A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones." Proverbs 12:4

How I long to be a virtuous woman! I desire to be a crown to my Beloved, but I am ashamed to say, that scripturally speaking, I think I'm too often as rottenness to his bones.

We were shopping yesterday, and since my Beloved was shopping for a Christmas present for a co-worker, I decided to go to a different department and get some things for the church. I told him where I was going, and honestly thought he would be where I left him when I was done. I got what I needed and headed back to him. He and the children were no where to be found. I walked and walked, looking for them. Big store, lots of people doing their Christmas shopping, and I can't find my family. Finally, I hear my son calling me. They had already gotten checked out. I was so angry. I put down my things, walked over to my Beloved, and let him know just how unhappy I was. He offered to buy my items, but I told him to just forget it, and then I stormed out of the store and went to stand beside the van.

All evening and today I have been haunted by those actions. Who watching me would have known that I adore my husband? Who would have thought that I honor and submit to him? No one. I shamed him in public. I was rottenness to his bones.

So often, I have it down pretty good. I submit fairly easily, I strive to honor him and show him respect in my actions and words. But then there are the times my flesh gets in the way, and is it ever ugly. I praise God for His grace and forgiveness. I thank Him for giving me such a good man, who is willing to put up with me, even when it would be easier to just walk away.

Why share this story? Well, because I am going to be talking a lot about ideals, and encouraging you toward them. But, I also want you to know that I don't have it down perfectly; I have not yet arrived, I'm still striving myself. And hopefully, you will learn from the mistakes I make. How much better last night if I would have graciously accepted my Beloved's offer to buy my things, and laughed off our miscommunication. It would have set my children at ease, instead of making them feel uncomfortable, it would have made my Beloved feel honored and loved, and it may have spoken volumes to anyone nearby that heard what had happened. I pray that the next time I will choose the godly way of reacting instead of my way.


Devon said...

Dear Tracy,

Thank you for your encouraging post, and for admitting your failings. Thank you also for letting me know I'm not the only one who's been through this.

My dear Tracy, it was not a miscommunication that lead to your frustrating search of the store. It's a guy thing. Or perhaps a husband thing.

I beg Micah not to pull his "disappearing act", but to no avail. If I take a moment to look for something at Superstore, he's gone. I'm seriously considering 2-way radios for Christmas.


momwith4 said...

Hi Tracy,
Thank you for your heart to heart words. There are many times in which I find myself falling in the same area, and have to ask forgivness to God and my husband. We have been married for 19 years, but only saved for 13. We did not grow up in christian homes and have no example of submission or reverence. I find myself in serious failure many times in these areas.
Pamela in NH